Dumb It Down
Written by: Jules Flesner
Somehow, in a country overflowing with marketing degrees, fractional CMOs, content teams, and an array of AI tools, America’s corporate copywriting has gotten worse over the past decade. Not better. Worse.
I started my career in demand-generation and job recruitment advertising spaces where every word had to fight for its right to be there. In social content writing, the target post length is a maximum of six words. Six. That’s how short our modern attention span is!
With better tools and data, I expected corporate writing to sharpen over the last decade. Instead, websites and social platforms have become a landfill of confusing jargon and empty phrasing.
Mistake #1: Jargon Stuffing
Corporate America is addicted to invented importance. We get it. Your team is full of geniuses. But your fancy, sector-specific copy is hiding that, not proving it.
EXAMPLE:
Radial is the pre-eminent DTC eCommerce fulfillment solution provider powering some of the world’s best customer experiences.
TRANSLATION:
Radial helps stores send packages to people quickly and correctly, so customers get their stuff just the way they want it.
Feel the difference? Which version felt more human?
ANOTHER EXAMPLE:
Tenstorrent is leading the industry on cutting-edge AI technology, revolutionizing performance expectations, ease of use, and cost efficiency. With AI redefining the computing paradigm, solutions must evolve to unify innovations in software models, compilers, platforms, networking, and semiconductors.
TRANSLATION:
Tenstorrent builds super-smart computers. They make computers faster, easier to use, and not too expensive. As computers get smarter with AI, Tenstorrent helps all the parts work together so everything runs better.
(If an 8-year-old can understand it, so can your customers. Saying it plainly shows real intelligence and builds trust.)
Mistake #2: Empty Phrasing
Sometimes the problem is words that say absolutely nothing. This next example illustrates one the worst real-world examples I’ve seen.
ACTUAL RECRUITMENT AD COPY:
At Cumming Group, you will work on some of the world's most exciting projects in a dynamic environment where your success is measured by the impact you make. We are one of the fastest-growing project and cost management consultancies in the United States, as reflected in our top 10 rankings in ENR. We are passionate about helping our clients execute large-scale, complex projects on-time and within budget.
(Applicant scours website in search for a simple answer to “what do they do? Finds this within the same About Us landing page:)
We are in business because of our clients, and our future opportunities and successes depend on servicing our clients at the highest levels.
Client focus is central to who we are, and is a fundamental component of our success. We are in business because of our clients, and our future opportunities and successes depend on servicing our clients at the highest levels. We listen to our clients and provide services and solutions that meet their needs.
(Double-downing on "We are in business because of our clients" is so bad it warrants... a meme? An intervention? And how has no one there noticed that “Team Members” is not a Core Value? Someone misunderstood the assignment.)
TRANSLATION:
Cumming Group is a construction project and cost consulting firm that delivers large, complex projects across nearly every major building sector including Industrial, Data Centers, Luxury Residential, Retail, Healthcare and Education. Its services span cost estimating, scheduling, project management, project controls, and dispute avoidance.
(Which of these two versions would you be more likely to engage with further, the original or the “Jules-i-fied” translation?)
And then there’s Deloitte, who could run an ‘empty phrasing’ masterclass:
ACTUAL MARKETING COPY:
Deloitte drives progress. Our firms around the world help clients become leaders wherever they choose to compete. Deloitte invests in outstanding people of diverse talents and backgrounds and empowers them to achieve more than they could elsewhere. Our work combines advice with action and integrity. We believe that when our clients and society are stronger, so are we… Please see www.deloitte.com/about to learn more.
*The landing page:
“Deloitte” is the brand under which over 470,000 dedicated people in independent firms throughout the world come together to provide a broad range of leading professional services to select clients. These firms are members of Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu Limited, a private company limited by guarantee incorporated in England and Wales (“DTTL,” also referred to as “Deloitte Global”). DTTL, these member firms and each of their respective related entities form the “Deloitte organization.” Each DTTL member firm and/or its related entities provide services in particular geographic areas and is subject to the laws and professional regulations of the particular country or countries in which it operates. Each DTTL member firm is structured in accordance with national laws, regulations, customary practice, and other factors, and may secure the provision of professional services in its respective territories through related entities. Not every DTTL member firm or its related entities provide all services, and certain services may not be available to attest clients under the rules and regulations of public accounting. DTTL, and each DTTL member firm and each of its related entities, are legally separate and independent entities, which cannot obligate or bind each other in respect of third parties. DTTL and each DTTL member firm, and their respective related entities, are liable only for their own acts and omissions, and not those of each other. The Deloitte organization is a global network of independent firms and not a partnership or a single firm. DTTL does not provide services to clients.
TRANSLATION FOR THE READERS WHO SURVIVED THIS FAR (CONGRATS):
Deloitte is a global network of independent firms under one brand that provide consulting, financial auditing, tax services, and technology and risk advisory work.
Core service areas:
Consulting
Audit & Assurance
Tax
Risk & Financial Advisory
That’s it. It really can be that simple.
Why Simplifying Copy Matters for AI Search Engines
On behalf of everyone reading your website, landing pages, and recruitment ads: the corporate speak is annoying.
Plus, it’s wasting your money. Empty, jargon-filled copy:
Confuses potential customers and employees
Kills conversions
Buries your value
Hurts recruitment
Positions your brand as insecure
“Dumbing it down” will not make your company look dumb.
Simplifying copy is actually powerful and profitable. It’s human. Clarity is your new competitive advantage. And it’s critical for winning in Answer Engine Optimization (AEO).
If your marketing or recruitment copy needs a translator, or sends readers elsewhere for clarity, hire a consultant who can cut the noise and refresh your messaging. (We’re available to help!). The brands that figure this out first will be the ones who survive and thrive in the AI era.
